@*#&(@*$ This, I’m Doing What I Want!
I’m going to be honest with you, this isn’t a recent revelation of mine. I know for a fact that I lost my oomph, gumption, my fearlessness, whatever you want to call it ,as I got older. I guess you could say it got locked in a secret box somewhere in the back of my brain and some evil creature hid the key.
When I was younger all I wanted to do was to go out and explore the world. I didn’t have a plan on where I was going to get the money to do it, where I was going to live, or how long I wanted to do it for. All I knew deep down that I was destined to do it.
In my early 20s my dream came true. I literally decided on a whim that I was going to live in Australia. I bought a plane ticket, got a working holiday visa, told my parents (maybe) a few weeks before I departed, and left. I had no job prospects and thought I would figure it out as I went along.
I was pretty fearless. One of my more known stories (ok, amongst my small circle of friends anyway) is that I walked around Alice Springs at night, got lost, and a nice couple paid for a taxi so I could go to where I was supposed to meet my friends for drinks. Now if you are aware of Alice Springs, even locals recommend NOT walking around by yourself at night. The statistics of rapes, kidnappings and violent crimes are too scary to mention. And here I was, a young woman who didn’t know where she was going, risking my life to meet a few travelers I might never talk to again!
But I was fine. It was a risk I willingly took. Sure, I could have died a horrible death, but at least I was doing what I wanted to do (travel and meet new people) at that moment in time.
Let’s fast forward a bit. These days I lost the fearlessness for a number of reasons. One, I thought that once I got older, I should settle down. But what does that mean anyway? To many, it means buying a house, raising some kids and working a full time job until you’re ready to retire. Maybe squeeze in a few vacations every now and then. Now if it this is your life and you’re happy, good for you. I’m not judging.
But I don’t think this type of life is for me. Yeah, I’m happily married to the man of my dreams, but it doesn’t mean that we have to purchase a house, have kids and that’s it. I’ve been stressing out for too long about trying to fit into this mold. It seems as though everybody around me is moving on in their life and I’m not.
I thought that when I immigrated to the US that I would just find a full time job anywhere, buy a house and talk about starting a family. I poured over beautiful design pictures on Pinterest and how my future house was going to look. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to own a home someday, but it’s not the key to my happiness and advancement in life.
A week ago, I got really fed up with people asking me about my job, where I was going to live, and they’re glad that I’ve finally decided to ‘settle down’. I thought in my head, @#@$# this, I want to define my life in my own terms.
So in a way, I’m starting over again. Finding my passion in life and visualizing the potential to see it unfolding in my life. I want to surround myself around awesome people who are doing awesome things. I want to live my life on my own terms, and making a living from it at the same time.
Now I feel like I’m in the same position I was 10 years ago, and that’s not a bad thing. Life is constantly about new beginnings, whether we realize it or not. We all end up at the same destination, but we can do what we want with the journey to get there.
This site is about this so-called journey. I’m going to document about my adventures and progress here.I want to be honest in what I document and how all of this is going to change me inside out. I know I will have failures along the way, probably a lot. But I believe that some of my happiest moments were when I made a new discovery about myself. And those moments came through a lot of crying, screaming, and feeling frustrated.
So sit back, relax, and join me on my path.
What is your journey like, and are you happy where you are?